Reflections of She

September 10, 2014

Self-Discovery Challenge: Day 6

Don’t Fix Me, Love Me

Being a skinny Black girl used to make me feel insecure. As a Black girl and woman, I am told by society and other people that I’m supposed to be thick and have a big butt. People would say things like, “Only a dog wants a bone,” or “Men (particularly Black men) like women with meat on their bones.” While I wasn’t teased too badly about being thin, but there were some moments. One event in particular stands out to me: In college, a guy told me that “I would be a dime (a 10) if I was thick.” I believe it was at that moment that I said, You know what? If someone doesn’t want to be with me because I’m not thick (or whatever shallow specifications they had), then I don’t want to be with him.

In recent months, I’ve struggled with my body image after having a baby. What I’m learning now is I have to love and appreciate the body I have while also working on the body I want.

I have to tell myself, “Love me.”

September 8, 2014

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Self-Discovery Challenge: Day 5

Representative

Your representative, in today’s challenge, is defined as “a mask you wear or a front you put on to keep up an image that’s not authentically you.”

My representative is Ms. Perfectionist. She’s always well put together on the outside. She always puts on a brave face, no matter what’s going on in her life. If someone asks how she’s doing — even if the person is someone who she can confide in — she’s “fine” or “okay.” She likes to pretend everything is perfect when dealing with other people and sometimes, even herself.

She felt it was necessary to “be perfect” because she always felt like that was expected of her. But, now, she’s learning that she doesn’t have to wear that mask. She’s not perfect, and that’s okay. She’s a beautifully flawed individual, and the women she longs to inspire will learn best from her experiences and imperfections.

Yes, she thinks it’s time to take the off mask, and embrace herself fully.

September 7, 2014

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Self-Discovery Challenge: Day 4

100%

(I’m a bit behind, but I’m trying to get caught up). Day four’s question is, “Where am I not showing up 100%?” One place I’m not showing up 100 percent is in my diet. And by diet, I mean my eating habits. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve consumed too much sugar and crappy foods. While I do allow myself to have “cheats” on occasion, admittedly, I haven’t been making the best decisions with my food. I really want to eat better, partly for health reasons and partly for vanity; I’d been doing well for a while, then I kind of fell off…

A couple of other places I’m now showing up 100 percent is in my finances and in my business. I’m aware that if I want to get my finances together, I have to be diligent about keeping a budget and not overspending. And when it comes to my business, I know I could (and should) be doing a lot more. I need to focus on working when it’s time for that. I need to put myself out there, walk in my purpose completely, and basically, just. do. it!

Doing this exercise has made me want to start doing the things that will help me perform at 100 percent. So, I’ve decide to recommit to doing better. So, I now commit to:

Buying healthy quick snacks so I won’t overeat, drinking more water, and keeping sweets out of the house (or at least to a minimum).
Eating at home/cooking at least five days a week. And if I have to eat out, I’ll make better choices. I’ll have no more than two “cheat” meals per week.
Getting a library card so I won’t keep buying books all the time on Kindle.
Letting others know how I can help them through my business
Providing value.
Working to make genuine connections both online and offline.
Confidently walking in my purpose.

“It’s the little choices every day that lead to the final results we’re striving for.” – Jason Bartzels

September 5, 2014

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Self-Discovery Challenge: Day 3

My Favorite Mistake

I thought about this for a few minutes, and I keep coming back to the same thing. So, I’d say my favorite mistake was staying in a relationship for too long with the wrong person.

Don’t get me wrong; he wasn’t/isn’t a bad person, per se. He just wasn’t right for me. Although I hate to admit it, my whole world pretty much revolved around him. And because I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend, I basically did whatever he suggested. I was never 100 percent myself around him because I felt he wouldn’t like the real me (sad, but true…but you live and you learn). Why did I stay? Fear. I’d read the articles and heard the statistics. You know: 72 percent of Black women won’t get married…blah, blah, blah. I figured I wouldn’t be able to find another suitable Black man, so I figured I might as well stick to what I had. Long story short, I finally realized how unhappy I was and decided that no, staying with him because I didn’t think I could find someone better suited for me was a crappy reason to be in a relationship.

What did I learn from that mistake?

If a person can’t accept you for who you are (in a romantic relationship or otherwise), he or she should not be in your life.
Don’t listen to everything the mainstream media tells you (especially if you’re a Black woman).
If I let go of something that’s not good for me, I open myself up to receive better things God has in store for me.
I can (and did) find a partner who loves me for me, unconditionally.
Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you.

September 3, 2014

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Self-Discovery Challenge: Day 2

Joy Snatchers

Some of my joy snatchers include:

social media comparison (comparison in general), overwhelm/trying to do too much, trying to make people be who I think they should be, trying to control everything about my life, gossip, negative news, lacking discipline, procrastination, trying to be perfect.

I would say my #1 joy snatcher is trying to control what happens in my life — and when and how it happens. It’s something I’ve been working on for several months, but to minimize it even more is to remember that ultimately, I am not in control. God is in control. That’s not to say I’m going to sit back and wait for things to fall in my lap. I’ll do what I can, trust my instincts, and trust God with everything. I can do this if I just keep remembering that He is Jehovah Jireh, and He will supply all of my needs “according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

I choose joy! 🙂

September 2, 2014

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Self-Discovery Challenge: Day 1

This month, I’m doing a 30 day self-discovery challenge with GG Renee of AllTheManyLayers.com. I’m very excited about this and plan to share some (if not all) of my story here on Reflections of She. If you’re interested in being a part of the challenge, you can sign up here.

Day 1 | Start. Stop. Continue.

I want to Start creating more peace in my life, more joy, romance, time for myself. I want to travel more, connect with more women, inspire more people. I want to write more and share my words with a bigger audience. I want to be an amazing mother and wife. I want a closer relationship with God. I want to trust myself more. I want to put myself out there. I want to be healthy and eat cleaner so I can feel great. I want to live in the moment and be present. I want to live the life I imagine.

I can begin by doing the things that make me feel peaceful and the things that bring me joy. I can be more loving — even if it makes me feel awkward. I can write down all the places I want to visit, do some research and place photos in my dream book. I can make an effort to connect more with some of the women in my social media networks. I can just write. I can be more conscious of what I put into my body. I can make an effort to be more aware of what’s going on around me and really focus on what I’m doing.

Stop. I’ve had enough of procrastinating. I’ve had enough of trying to make my life appear perfect and seeking approval. I spend too much time on Facebook when I’m not actively networking. I’m done with playing small and not letting people know who I am and what I do. I’m done with letting fear stop me from doing the things I really want to do.

I will Continue to inspire women — and people in general — through my words. Keep up my writing. Keep practicing yoga and exercising to get stronger and feel better. Spend time with God and myself in the morning. Think about how I want to feel and the experiences I crave. Keep following my dreams. Stay open to new opportunities. Continue working on myself to become the woman I want to be. Live. Love. Be grateful. Dream. Do.

September 1, 2014

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Perfection

One of the books I’m reading now is Brené Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfections.” Pretty much all of my life, I was expected to do really well at almost everything (and I say almost because even though I’m 5’9, I’m so not an athlete). And being the oldest meant I was supposed to be a good example to my sister, which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, I put a lot of pressure on myself — even at a young age — to be dang near perfect. I always wanted to be a straight A student (when I was in elementary school, I’d get upset when I received a B); I wanted to be the best when I was in band; I loved when my teachers talked about how good and smart I was, and I enjoyed being praised and noticed for my accomplishments. I pretty much carried this perfectionism mentality until, well, now. I’ve always known I’m a (recovering) perfectionist, but I never really understood why, not until I started reading Brown’s book.

I believe that since I now know where my perfectionist tendencies come from, I can let them go. I realize that I can still be an inspiration to others by allowing them to see my mistakes and failures and ultimate successes. They will see that yes, you might fall down, but you can get back up and move ahead. And besides, why should I waste my time, worrying about trying to appear perfect because, hello!, I can’t be perfect. So, what’s the point of me trying to appear that way?

“Perfectionism is more about perception…there is no way to control perception.” – Brenè Brown

I can’t control what other people think of me. So, instead of trying to be Little Ms. Perfect, I will work on putting my authentic self — flaws and all — out there. And I will strive for excellence instead of perfection.

Are you, too, a recovering perfectionist? How are you letting go of your perfectionist tendencies?

Photo Credit | Amazon.com

August 17, 2014

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No Worries

Today, for my devotional, I read Matthew 6. While I’ve read it many times and there are many verses that resonate with me, I focused mainly on verses 26-30 and 34:

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (28) “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. (29) Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. (30) If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? …(34) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

While I’m pretty laid back for the most part, I have to admit, I’m a recovering worrier. Especially when it comes to my business and money. If you’re an entrepreneur or freelancer, I’m sure you can relate. You know how it is when you’re not sure where your next client will come from or when you’ll sell more products. You likely find yourself trying to determine what’s next and how things will improve.

But worrying is pointless. It does nothing for you (well, nothing positive), and as the scripture says, it adds nothing. Instead of worrying, I’ve decided to try to constantly remember that if God takes care of the birds, the flowers and all other creation, then surely, he will take care of me, too. I mean, you don’t see the birds running around like crazy, trying to figure out where their next meal is coming from.

I know not worrying and not trying to figure things out is a hard habit to break, particularly if you ~~are a control freak~~ like to be in control and want know exactly how everything will pan out. However, it’s not my job (or yours) to figure out how. It’s God’s. He knows exactly what we need and desire, so we can trust Him with the future. My suggestion? Seek God about what to do, do your part, then rest in Him, knowing that He’s got you.

Photo Credit / 123rf.com

August 11, 2014

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Sacrifices

I recently started reading Lamar Tyler’s “The Gatekeepers are Gone: Hustle + Technology = Success.” In one part of the book, he talks about how when he first started his website, BlackandMarriedwithKids.com (with his wife, Ronnie), he would juggle working a full-time job, being a father, husband and aspiring entrepreneur. He says:

“If you want to achieve success at a high level, it’s going to require real dedication…Use the time that you have to get where you want to go.”

Being that my new normal is working at home with my baby, I’ve really fallen in love with sleep. Nailah still doesn’t sleep through the night, and on top of that, she’s been teething since she was three-months-old, so we have our not-so-great nights when she whines/cries and wants to be held all night. And while I’ve gotten used to functioning on less sleep, I still love my daily naps.

Working from home while being a mama (not to mention taking care of a household) is a lot of work. So I feel like I deserve every second of sleep I can get! At the same time, however, I know I could (and probably should) be making more sacrifices when it comes to my business and writing because I’m not where I want to be. So, while I don’t think I’ll be giving up all of my sleep completely, I will make an effort get up earlier some days or stay up later, and I’ll give up some of my daily naps. I know if I want something different, I have to do something different.

Anything worth having in life is worth sacrificing for…

July 9, 2014

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Quitting

I’m not gonna lie; it’s not easy being a momma, wife and a work-from-home entrepreneur. Yesterday was one of those days — I felt like quitting. Nailah was being fussy, so that meant I couldn’t get much done when I was trying to work.

I thought: Why am I trying to do this business/brand-building thing while I have an infant? Maybe I should wait until she’s older, then start again.

Then, I realized I was kind of feeling sorry for myself. I also remembered that this is my season to sow, to work on branding myself and business; and when Nailah gets older, I can hit the ground running when it comes to pursuing bigger opportunities. It’s like I know this in the back of my mind, but sometimes, it’s hard to remember when things aren’t going according to my ideal plan.

Finally, I started thinking about my WHY, why I do what I do. Inspiring and empowering women is my purpose, and I can’t just give up when things get a little rocky. I might have to change some things around, but I. Will. Not. Quit.

“When you think about quitting, remember why you started.” – Unknown